By Dr Paras
July 29, 2020 (IANSlife) Are you someone who is naturally drawn towards something 'more'? Do you often find yourself contemplating over what your partner’s perspectives or thought process? Are you innately turned on by intelligence? Well, if the answers to some of these questions are a resounding yes, you could be 'sapiosexual'.
In simple terms 'Sapiosexuals' are best described as people who are sexually and mentally turned on by the display of intelligence. Sapiosexuals are aroused by smartness and sharp insights.
We’ve all been in relationships that have intrigued us beyond measure. Adult courtship is indeed complex, as there are myriad shades to an individual— which are bound to surface if a relationship lasts beyond the whirlwind phase.
The Latin term “Sapio” refers to being wise. However, what needs to be noted is that falling for an older man or woman is not always linked with intelligence. Intelligence is often mistaken for experience. While you may not need to be a super achiever to be termed a sapiosexual, it is evidenced that people who find someone else’s mind to be their most attractive attribute or look at that before their physical attributes, are known to be sapiosexuals.
Despite the term being pegged as “new-age”, the concept has been around forever, and justifiably so, because intelligence is linked with position and authority, in many cultures. This is probably why most college going kids like their middle-aged teachers as they perceive the intelligence of the person as the wow factor. But, if you look at the equity theory of motivation from an organisational behavior or management subject, it says that 'In order to balance what we lack, we tend to seek it in others.' More often than not, someone who is not within me, I tend to project it in the external world.
It could go back to an individual’s early childhood with emotions like, 'I’m not good enough' or being rejected multiple times. Are we claiming intelligence as a defense mechanism to overcome our own rejections? Maybe you were not being perceived in your environment as a smart boy or a smart girl? So, you tend to wear the hat of intelligence, as your defence mechanism believing you're a sapiosexual man or woman. That said, it is not a gender based orientation, it’s more to do with preference. What attracts you to a group of people?
If you finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing, if its a trigger, then you could probably assume your a sapiosexual. There’s also a possibility where you like to date sapiosexuals because you feel they project intelligence. Sometimes, it is just that certain people demonstrate intelligence as a pretense. This is often observed among teenagers, where girls like to date elderly men.
Before going ahead, it is important to take note of the underlying fact that as human beings, there are four needs that ought to be met: social, psychological, emotional, survival or existential need. What’s your need when you’re dating? This is the crucial question you have to ask yourself before jumping to conclusions.
What you like about the person? Is it the feeling of security, protection and warmth? It could be anything.
If you can't decide whether you are really a sapiosexual or better yet, are dating one, go over these pointers to help you:
Dr Paras is a Life-leadership Coach and Founder of Matrrix
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