By Sukant Deepak
June 21, 2022 (IANSlife) In reel life, she owned the fugitive nights of 'Sacred Games' with the character of 'Kuku'. In real life, the bullying at school sent a part of her into a dark corner deep within.
Living between endless corridors of the past and uncertainties hidden in the future's crystal ball, actor Kubbra Sait, talking about her book 'Open Book: Not Quite a Memoir' (HarperCollins India) maintains she has learned to absorb responsibility for her choices.
"Even when I didn't make one... that was a choice too," she tells IANS.
Sait, who went on stage at the age of five, was bullied as an eight-year-old, hitting rock bottom as a 10-year-old and at 13 years of age, went on to discover a personality development program that changed her life forever.
Admitting that it was not really her idea to write the book, but in fact, one she was brewing for a friend, Sait recalls it was when she spoke with Smita Khanna and Jayapriya Vasudevan of Jacaranda Literary Agency, that Smita nudged her towards writing a memoir. But is she not too young to write one (a memoir)?
Now that 'Open Book' is a reality, she feels age is just a number. "I have lived long enough to have not one but many stories, experiences, and journeys to encapsulate the idea of who I am, and who I may be becoming. I also feel the experiences that happened were meant to be. I cannot change a thing today. I was able to learn from my shortcomings, and learned to be accountable for my actions," she says.
The deafening silence during the lockdown was a time of internal reflection for her.
"Well, I had a better routine than I have ever had. I was able to sleep with my thoughts, peel layers of my hurt and really look within. It was a very easy process to write the book. I wrote a lot and I am not afraid to share chapters from my life thus far. I feel it was the perfect time to spill my heart and know that it's all behind me. The future is fresh and infused with joy."
Talking about the years of bullying, she recalls they were terrible. "They hurt. That time could have been so amazing if I did not encounter what I did. But... I lived through it and managed to turn the page in my own life. I changed myself. It was cathartic for me. Even armed men who go to war experience PTSD. I was only a little girl. I turned out just fine with all the experiences of the past."
As a first-time author, she does not really have any apprehensions about how the book will be received. "I was not scared when I moved to Dubai, or Mumbai or acting the first time. I was nervous, good to be nervous. I am proud of what I have written -- I feel free. I think it's done... and not, it is now for the world to read. It is theirs as much as it's mine."
The actor who has written a whole chapter on 'Sacred Games' on how she got to play the part of 'Kuku' and her relationship with Anurag Kashyap as her director feels that digital platforms have metamorphosed the entertainment landscape in the country.
"It's far more democratic than it ever was. We are able to appreciate cinema from across our country and from all over the world. Newer stories and characters have become possible," says the actor, who is currently shooting for a film and two web series.
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Sukant Deepak can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org